There are marriages, which in the light of faith, are irregular. They may be called marriages by the civil or traditional society but the Catholic Church regards them as irregular. They include: polygamy, premarital cohabitation and pregnancy, remarriage after divorce, traditional or civil marriage without the sacrament of Matrimony, union between a Catholic and a non Catholic without the appropriate dispensation or permission, women marrying women and men marrying men. They are irregular from thier very foundation or processes.
Consequently, we can say that certain practices and value are fast distorting the proper understanding of marriage in our world today. Marriage is no longer seen as a serious and important covenantal union that brings a mature man and a mature woman together for a lifelong relationship and for the purpose of begetting and educating children. Many young people go into marriage for the mere reason that they come of age or that their mates are married while not being mentally prepared for the responsibilities of married life.
When conditional love and other preoccupation such as pursuit of wealth and job hold sway, the result is that the chaotic time bomb is set and ticking. When it detonates, Christians and everyone will be moved to find solutions. We hope it would not be too late.
SOME THREATS OF MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE TO BE AVOIDED.
in different ways and different places, the family is under pressure. The family, perhaps more than any other institution, is the object of numerous forces seeking to destroy it or in some ways to undermine it. Instances include:
1. A distortion and redefinition of the ideal and proper notion of family life and living.
2. Homosexual/same sex unions and surrogate motherhood.
3. Rejection of responsibility for children.
4. Divorce and single parenthood.
5. Prolonged distance between married couples.
6. Undue external interference.
7. Rancour and quarrels.
8. Infidelity/external relationship and insincerity between couples.
9. Negligence of parental responsibility.
10. Intending couples' ignorance of marital responsibilities.
11. Inadequate psychological maturity of couples.
12. Sexual denial and starvation.
Many of these threats are being sponsored and promoted by the abuse of the mass media. Some others are as a result of ggovernment policies, while others are due to some personal shortcomings on the part of members of the family.
To enjoy family life, to protect the future of the family and be happy, these and other dangers to the family life must be avoided and fought against by every member of the society. We need a more dynamic, systematic and thoughtfully planned education, teaching and instruction on the Sacrament of Matrimony.
THE HOLY FAMILY AS A MODEL FOR FAMILY LIFE.
The family should be a place of love, peace, equality and mutual service that mirrors not only the matrimonial union of Christ and the Church, but also the family union and relationship of the Holy Family of Jesus, Joseph and Mary. It is beautiful to note that Pope St. John Paul II presents the Holy Family as a model, as the 'prototype and example for all Christian families' and as 'the model and spiritual source of every Christian family' (Ecclesia in Africa, no.18).
More so, Pope Paul VI wrote, "The home of Nazareth is the school, where we begin to understand the lifenof Jesus, the school of the Gospel. Here in this school, we learn why it is necessary to have a spiritual rule of life, if one wishes to follow the teachings of the Gospel and become a disciple of Christ" (Address of Pope Paul VI, 5th January 1964). The Holy family of Nazareth is the school for family life. They teach us that family need to have a spiritual rule of life and of discipline.
LESSONS FROM THE HOLY FAMILY:
1. THE PATH OF SILENCE: Often times, we are deafened by so much commotion and much noise from disordered voices of our confused and freezes world. Thus, we are unable to listen to God in silence, we cannot appreciate the marvelous deeds of God, we cannot thank God enough, and we cannot pray enough. We need to cultivate the culture of silence in order to listen to the Holy Spirit and sow the seed of spiritual growth in the family. Silence and Word are "two aspect of communication which need to be kept in balance, to alternate and to be integrated with one another if authentic dialogue and deep closeness between people are to be achieved. When word and silence become mutually exclusive, communication breaks down, either because it gives rise to confusion or because, on the contrary, it creates an atmosphere of couldness; when they complement one another, however communication acquires value and meaning... Word and Silence: learning to communicate is learning to listen and contemplate as well as speak." (Papal Message for World Communication Day 2012)
Also, we are bewildered with modern and secular music and entertainment, and some of us prefer those songs which do not praise God to hymns of the Church. How many of us do sing at Mass along with the choir? How manynof us prefer Catholic hymns to worldly music? How many of us can really sing some Church hymns from beginning to the end without mistakes? Some of us are addicted to noisy environments, noise making and are secular music oriented.
Many of the hymns in our hymn books do not really move us any longer, like the emotional reactions these songs spark up in us during social functions. The emphasis here is that they should not replace the value of silence and the place of God in our homes.
2. IN OUR FAMILIES EACH OF US MUST BE DEVOTED TO ONE ANOTHER'S WELL-BEING AS WELL AS THOSE OF THE LARGER SOCIETY:
Our homes should not be closed in on themselves but be open to accommodate all. There should be a true sense of hospitality and concern for needs of others. The Holy Family confronted their misfortune together (Mat. 2:13-23). Christian families should never pretend that they have no challenges, denying the reality of hardship and finding solace in sweet coated words of some false prophets/pastors.
3. THE HOLY FAMILY GIVES A LESSON OF WORK:
Here, we see the dignity of human labour. Work should not be an economic end in itself; it should ennoble our nourishment for the family, should not be left to a few members of the family. There should be partnership and togetherness to improve work in the family. Here, also, we must condemn child labour and all acts of violence of rights of a child, particularly as many children now resort to hawking and begging in the neglect of their education; they play the role of bread winners for their families.
WHAT YOU SHOULD DO:
1. FAMILY IN CHRIST: The objective here is to make Christian families have the spirit of Christ. St. Paul gives the note in his catechises on the family: "Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ" (Eph.5:21). Christ is all-in-all for Christians. He is the point of reference for every activity of a Christian. Our lives are hidden in Christ. The family must focus on Christ. Marriage and family can only develop to their proper end if we direct them to Christ. A family that properly anchors its faith in Christ realizes the loving plan of God for humanity.
2. FAMILY PRAYER: A family that prays together, equally stays together. This slogan is true. We can see that in the life of Sarah and Tobias, after marriage ceremonies, they prayed before going to bed, this enabled them to avert the calamity of death. (Tobit 8:4). Do you know that marriage is a mystery, and we need grace of God to make marriage aleffective and productive? Thus, prayer becomes very necessary and indispensable for family life. The Church prays for the family and the family prays for itself. In addition, family prayer has its characteristics: firstly, it is the prayer in common in which the whole family; the father, the mother and children with the whole household gather in worshipping, thanking, praising God and interceding for the whole family needs. Secondly, parents teach their children and wards to pray and thus, make God the center of their lives.
3. FAMILY CATECHESIS: The tradition and custom of the family catechesis should not die out. This is because the Christian family should endeavor to noture awareness of members' identity and mission in Christ. They must have a faithfaith-perspective, a Christ-like spirit about everything that has to do with the family and family life.
4. THE FAMILY AS A HOUSEHOLD FOR FAITH FORMATION: It is in the bosom of the family that parents are to form their children in the faith to enhance Christian maturity. Parents are, in fact, the first educators of their children. It is the home that children first see, feel, hear and thus learn how to love God and neighbour. Faith formation should not be left to the Parish Priest and the Catechist alone. The parish comes second to the family in the formation of children.
5. LOVE THE FAMILY; WORK FOR THE FAMILY: Let us begin by loving family life. One of the basic responsibilities of every member of a family is to love the family, to love to live together with that same love which God himself has and has also give to us. Such kind if love will directly influence the family to become fuller and holier in Christ. Loving the family means being able to appreciate its capabilities and values. It also means identifying with our family and knowing the dangers and evil and the menace so as to overcome them. Loving the family means to endeavor to create for it, an environment favourable for it development.
THREE KEY PHRASES FOR PEACE AND JOY IN THE FAMILY:
Always say:
1. Excuse me,
2. Thank you,
3. I am sorry.
THREE INGREDIENTS OF FAMILY LIFE:
1. Give attention,
2. Show affection,
3. Express Appreciation.
Remain blessed as God showers you his abundant graces.
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